Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sunday #Something or Other: Simon Makes Dinner

Okay. Way back in August, I think, Simon (and that other kid) had returned from visiting his grandparents in Magical Happy Land and was struggling with his return to reality.

What better time to get a Simon Dinner out of the way?

I'd "been gonna" make dinner with Simon for months by then. But, as you may have noticed, my drive for doing the Sunday Dinner thing had greatly diminished.

Not that we still weren't still having dinner together most Sundays, but I didn't have it in me to document it and I certainly didn't have it in me to make dinner with a kid. Having kids help is work, ya know.

Nope, it was easier to just slap some dinner together and go back to waiting for the world to end.

As Simon recently pointed out, it's tough growing up.

And, sorry to say it Simon, it never gets any better. I don't care what John Cheese says.
'Cause people like me and Simon, we can see miserable shit for miles and miles ahead. We can't help it! We've already learned that the world is a shitty place and don't intend to go looking for proof that it's not. You know why? Because when we do, we just get more proof that it's awful and shitty!

See, this is why I haven't been writing. I knew it was going to turn into this. I guess what I'm getting at is that I've been in a pretty shitty place emotionally and that, coupled with hardly any personal breathing time, has left me with neither the will nor the resources to churn out a blog.

Not that I think I'm cranking out literary marvels here, but I'd at least like them to be a little fun and... lighthearted. Is that a thing? A state of being? I think I've heard of it somewheres.

So anyway, about the same time I was attempting to drag myself out of my emotional shithole The Best Thing on ALL the Internets popped up after a long absence. It helped. Reconnecting with people I'd convinced myself were doing just fine - probably better! - without the likes of me helped.

So, yes. Depression is hard. I have a feeling Simon's going to become real familiar with that fact in his lifetime too. I'm there with ya, buddy. Sometimes you just have to let it happen and wallow in it for a while. But at some point you decide* to either wallow yourself deeper into the pit of dispair, or can get up and strangle the shit out of it.
As a wise man once suggested, when life gives you lemons you make life take the lemons back. You "Demand to see life's manager."

Though, if you don't have an elite force of engineers at the ready to make your insane self some fabled combustible lemons, might I suggest using them in the following recipe?

Caesar Grilled Chicken Sandwich on Soft Wrap Bread
by King Arthur Flour
Hey, I made it back to the point of this blog. Yay me!

We began our adventure by making the dressing.

Caesar dressing

  • 1 to 4 large cloves garlic, to taste, peeled and minced
  • 3 anchovy fillets, finely minced (optional)
  • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 2 tablespoons Dijon-style mustard
  • 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 1/4 cup sour cream
  • 3/4 cup olive oil
  • 1 cup grated Parmesan, Pecorino Romano, or aged Asiago cheese
  • 1 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper

Anchovies wrapped around capers.
I'm not gagging right now at all

I had Simon measure out most of the ingredients and get them mixed up.
Be careful, Simon! Are you hurt?

Then, because I suck at letting kids do anything themselves, I scraped everything into the blender to get the olive oil all emulsified in. It was part of the directions and I wasn't sure about letting him use the blender. What if it exploded and blended and  electrocuted him somehow!
Clearly a job for GROWN UPS!

Following the recipe exactly gives you a dressing that turns out very thick. Simon and I (with Dad weighing in) decided it was too mighty for our palate and mixed in some mayonnaise and... a tiny bit of vinegar? I can't remember. Probably though.

The original plan was to make this meal over two days, getting the dressing and flatbread done on day one, and the chicken and veggies the next. Once we got started on the bread though, we knew dinner had to happen that night.

Wrap bread

We only had Safeway flour (and we used potato flakes) but I think we did okay.

Following the directions we mixed the 2 cups of flour and the boiling water together. We did this in the bread machine. After it was well mixed I gave the machine a pause so it could sit still for 30 minutes like the directions said.
Just like the directions said!
We followed directions! Yay us!

After that we dumped in the rest of the ingredients and let the machine have at it.

There were actually more specific directions - something about whisking the oil into the remaining flour mixture so that it's evenly distributed and then adding it to the dough-wad. That sounds like manual labor though, and I have a bread machine specifically to avoid that.

I didn't realize until the thing had been whapping the dough around for 20 minutes that it really only needed to go long enough to get everything kneaded together well - about 5 minutes according the recipe.

It didn't seem like it hurt anything, though. 

You're supposed to divide the dough into 8 equal portions.We had nine because one lump was really big, so we split it into two.

The dough wads sit for a while and then you stretch them out and roll them thin.

I was gonna have Simon roll them out, I really was! But, you know, we had to get moving along and I'm completely impatient and he wasn't doing it right!

Sigh. Poor Simon. His mother's insane.

We compromised by having Simon get the dough flattened and stretched into a disc shape, and then I rolled it out thin from there.
Waka Waka Waka Waka

And then in the beautiful and glorious cast-iron skillet. I put maybe a teaspoon of olive oil in the pan and wipe it out with a paper towel. That's how much oil you need to do this if you're using well-seasoned cast-iron. I can hear you talking about nonstick here - ya know what? Cast-iron never peels off the pan and get's into my eggs. Well, technically it does, but iron is good for you. When was the last time your doctor said you needed more  polytetrafluoroethylene in your diet? So there.

Skillet time!
and flip 

Since we didn't have to use any bubbling, popping, scarifying oil I was brave and let Simon do a few of these.

Everything turned out okay! No one died, cried or bled! Phew. I was worried there for a bit.

There are seven pieces in this picture. There were nine balls of dough. One got burnt a little on one side so we had to eat it slathered in butter and cinnamon sugar. We HAD to.

The other one we ate to make sure it was tasty enough for dinner. This is where Simon was educated on the sacrifices cooks have to make. Sure, this time it was tasty enough, but things don't always turn out so great and who's the first to discover that? The cook.

Of course, if you're me, you force it on everyone anyway.

So anyway, with testing done -and us smelling the bread be all toasted and awesome- it was decided dinner was happening that night.

Grilled chicken-vegetable filling

  • 1 pound boneless chicken breasts or thighs
  • 1 large red bell pepper, seeded and quartered
  • 1 large onion, peeled and sliced in 1/2" slices
  • 1 medium zucchini, sliced crosswise into 1/4"-thick slices
  • romaine lettuce

I let Simon wield a knife and cut chicken!
However, I do not have documentation of this. But I swear I did. I didn't make him use safety scissors or anything!

That's not much chicken in that big bowl. That's okay though. Really America, it's not necessary to have delicious MEAT make up half the weight of your meal. Vegetables are delicious!

Especially when meat flavored.


Okay then! The onion and garlic (obviously they forgot to add garlic to this part of the recipe by accident) went into the skillet until caramelized and then piled on top of the chicken.
Huh... looking closely it seems we
added mushrooms as well.

Okay, so this next part said to cut the peppers and zucchini into large pieces and then brown/blacken in the skillet or on the grill. Once you do this though, it just has you cut them up into smaller pieces.

So here's my suggestion, if you're going to use the skillet cut things into eating size to begin with. Cook them in the skillet after the onions (because the onions will just get weepy and cause the peppers to fail at browning) and be sure not add so many that you can't see the bottom of the skillet, or they'll just lose more liquid than they burn off and never brown.

If you want to do the big pieces that brown and don't have a grill, you could put them under the broiler. I do not have the ability to not burn the shit out of anything I put under the broiler. I just don't. It's something about things going from almost-browned to blackened-beyond-recognition in the space of 45 seconds that throws me.

Anyway, we pulled the peppers and added them to the bowl too:

Once they're in the bowl and you cut them up with kitchen scissors. Well, you do that if you just washed the cutting board and don't want to haul it out again.

On to the zucchini and you're almost done!

That went into the bowl with everything else, as well as 3 or so Roma tomatoes, cut into quarters or sixths. That gets all stirred up together so that flavors combine and the tomatoes warm without getting mushy and grainy.

And finally, after all our hard work (truth be told Simon found something better to do than watch his mom cook vegetables - not that I blame him) it was time for dinner.

We'd wrapped the flatbread in foil and had them warming in the oven while the vegetables cooked.

You can see them here - artfully displayed. 

We were all very happy with the way these turned out.

We decided to forgo the lettuce. Or maybe we just forgot to get it out of the fridge while wrapping things up. Aside from a little crunch, maybe, I don't think we were missing anything. We didn't cook the peppers and zukes to mushification or anything, so we still had tasty texture there.

Of course Max took that "not lettuce" thing a step further.
Big surprise.

At some point we're going to have to really try and make this kid try some new veggies. For the longest time the only veggie he could choke down were canned green beans. And he'd only get 5 or so down - tops. This year he's added corn and mashed potatoes to his list. That's not quite a success as far as eating your veggies goes.

We've had him give vegetable type stuff a chew here and there, but he literally will puke if something is too gross. I think he's trained himself. I think it's years of silent ninja regurgitation skills that make him barf and not the awfulness of a fresh green bean sauteed with bacon and garlic. Come on!

Yes, that's got to be it. He's doing it on purpose!
But what if he's not? What if forcing vegetables on him is awful and tortuous!?

I just don't know! *frets*

and that's all part of his plan.

Simon and me  also made hummus as part of this dinner. Well, mostly I made it - blenderized you know.
I'm not going to tell you about it because we don't talk about hummus in this house.
(actually there just isn't much to say - it's hummus.)

The End


Oh yeah.
Clearly with months worth of Sunday's missing from the timeline I'm not going to meet the stated purpose of this blog. I sincerely do not have the time. I hate saying that. Only lamers "don't have the time." But I really don't. Not time enough to commit to every single week anyway.

So, while Sunday Dinners will definitely continue I think a full bloggy blog will be happening only now and again.

But perhaps a tl;dr version with a couple pics and some little quip would be doable.

Maybe. We'll have to see about that.

Until next time (it could happen)...

and to anyone who took the time to read this ramble-thon, thanks.

* This statement was more about going deeper into depression and either making a choice to do so passively, to go down down down and let it envelope you whole, or to try and claw your way out of it. I know the clawing doesn't always work.
The statement was about me, and people like me, riding the same Depression Funtime Wagon - not for those getting trampled by it. And it wasn't about getting undepressed -just about trying to survive it.
The super severely depressed - the ones who literally cannot get up and move - should not take it to mean that I think you chose to be depressed and can choose not to be. I know it's more than that.

Everybody be okay.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hey innernets!

I bet you thought I wasn't going to post anymore.

Bet you thought I got lazy.

Well I'll show you! I totally intend to pick this up again any time now.

I just needed a few Sundays off.

Like twelve.

No. No I need fourteen Sundays off.

Tomorrow is Sunday #36.

Damn I suck at weekly commitments.

Anyway, I need to make dinner with Boy 1 soon.

We're gonna do this!

It's gonna be a multi-step sort of deal. He also wants to make hummus. I need to find the lid to my blender or we're going to me smooshing with the tato smoosher for a long time.

So yes! Doesn't that look tasty?

The plan is... Monday!

Yes Monday.

We're gonna make us the flatbread. Then my awesome box of awesome comes form Full Cirlce Farm and we'll make the rest of it Tuesday night.

We'll probably make the hummus Monday night too. That way Simon can enjoy it with the flatbread and I don't have to deal with it the next day.

Cause seriously, hummus is swell and all, but it's just not worth the hassle of making it yourself cause it tastes like GROUND BEANS and who needs that?

Though a friend of mine heartily recommends a spinache artichoke dip made with white beans instead of fat fat and more fat. It looked pretty good.

I haven't got brave enough to try it yet.

I need a food processor.


I don't care about starving children or broken Kitchenade mixers - what I need in my life is a goddamn food processor. A good one.

Cause seriously, if I lose anymore spatula bits trying to get the foods out of the blender... Well, I'll have lots of ugly rubber spatulas. Nobody wants that.

So yes!

I'll surely keep this blog thing going. For reals and everything.

Just... just not this week. Next week for sure.

Or the one after. I have to go to Yakima next weekend because we told travelling on Labor Day to fuck itself.


This semi-random update brought to you by Tequila.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sunday #29: For Reals This Time

You know what's awesome about waiting a month to write a blog?

You forget so much that you allow yourself to just start making shit up. And you don't even feel bad about it! It's not like you're really lying either, because everyone knows that if you can't remember something you just fill in the gaps as you go along. That's just good story telling!

Besides,  who's gonna know?
(Shut up, Corina!)

So, that Saturday was beautifully sunny and warm1. I did some prep work at home to avoid spending three hours chopping vegetables at Corina's. She demanded that I document it.

So here:
I toasted me some nuts.

I shredded me some cabbage.

I chopped me some broccoli on
my orange stained cutting board.

And then these carrots became shredded

I loaded all of my prepped ingredients into a box with a crapload of other stuff.

Stuff I thought I'd want and thought she might not have in her kitchen.

Like bowls and seasonings and a spatula.

Corina just puts out bowls of kibble and Ensure for her kids at night.2 You know that, right? It's a miracle I got everything I thought she wouldn't have to fit into just one box. Thankfully I was able to trust that she had a stove.

Anyway, if you recall from the previous blog I'd decided to make Ginger Almond Rice and a ... vegetable mess.

Corina was going to do the Sesame Cilantro Chicken.

This was all very well thought out and agreed upon.

It been written in stone for months 3.


But lo, I get there and we start talking about production plans when I find out that Corina had totally not realized that's what we were doing.  We then had to make a trip to the store.

I think she planned things so we'd have to go. Corina loves to sashay around the Safeway with her latest conquest4. This is a known fact, ask anyone in Tacoma. It's why she's not allowed to go to the Albertson's anymore (she says she doesn't go because she just doesn't like it. I know better.)

Once we bought the chicken thighs (we both agreed legs rule and breasts are stupid) we headed home and I got to the booze mixing.

You see, booze is an important part of our relationship. It was neccessary that we get the sousing underway so that we might continue to tolerate each other 5

Denise's De-Pirated Wedding Punch Recipe

1- can DOLE Pine-Orange-Banana juice concentrate
1- can DOLE Orange Peach Mango  juice concentrate
1- tin can DOLE pineapple juice (maybe a concentrate, but not the plastic jug. Never the plastic jug. It tastes funny in a school lunch sorta way.)
1 - jug Orange Juice - no pulp

You mix all that in a container. If you're fancy you use a serving pitcher, but if you're Corina you go into a fit of rage 6 and smash the pretty purple serving pitcher your best friend gave you into a thousand pieces. What does that leave you with? A giant measuring cup. We did like Tim Gunn told us and made it work.

Then you add 1-2 bottles spumante to taste. Basically the amount  relies on how much of the OJ you use, and if you use more than one each of the concentrates. Have we talked before about how I don't do real recipes? Basically you want to unconcentrate the concentrates but with alcohol instead of water.

If you don't want this to be too boozy, or want to cut down on the cost, you could replace the spumante with soda water.  I like the spumante though because it lends flavor and drunkeness.
It is not without its dangers, however.
Consider yourself warned.

and finally you add the best rum ever.

We filled the container once.
The side said to mix in 3, but
we're not drunks over here.

Mix it up and serve over ice. Yum!
If you kept all the ingredients super chilled before mixing you could avoid using ice (and the unavoidable watering down) but we didn't.

I never got a pic of pretty booze filled glass. I really suck at that lately (always.) If it wasn't for Corina, we wouldn't have got the little ingredient cluster pic up there.

Perhaps you've noticed that there are some little airline bottles in the ingredients pic. We dumped that stuff in there too. It's okay to mess with recipes, especially the ones you don't plan on following in the first place.

 Okay! On to the cooking!

Corina's Super Cilantrofied Chicken!

Did I tell you how Corina completely forgot she was going to do the chicken? It's right up there, before the boozing, but in case you thirst for Corina stories I'll elaborate here.

We were there at her house, figuring out the booze and planning out the cooking stages. As I was breaking down what I'd be doing I  said something like "and that's when you'll want to put the chicken in."

Her face glazed over. Like seriously, it was as if she'd been making out with the Krispy Kreme's conveyer belt or something. Yes, that's a perfect analogy.

As she didn't seem to understand, I attempted to remind her.

"Remember Corina, how you mentioned this 'ALL THE CILANTRO' chicken you make and how it was tasty and then we decided to do Asiany type stuff from there and I said I'd bring some sort of slaw or salad or something and then put everything off until the last minute and then since it was going to be cold and leaky outside anyway I decided to do rice and vegetables and told you that over the Internet even, I didn't say anything about making chicken cause you were gonna? Remember?

Remember Corina?

"Uh duhhhh" she replied.7

So then we went to the store where she got chicken thighs, cause dark meat is the way to go.

When we got home and she yelled at the chicken for being gross and disgusting and not good enough for her. 8

So she trimmed off the fat and the little tendony pieces like so:

Oh wait, that there is the chicken that she decided wasn't worth turning into dinner. She declared it too much of a meat-touching pain in the ass and threw it away.

Because she doesn't care about starving children either. It's why we get along so well.

The chicken Corina deemed worthy went into a pretty blue bowl.

To that, Corina added some glug-glugs of soy sauce, a drizzle of sesame oil, a fistful of cilantro, a good couple tablespoons of sesame seeds and a big scoop of chopped garlic (a third of a cup? It's the big chopped garlic Costco container - you just dump it out until you're happy. Garlic is made of happy and we like a lot of it.)


Okay, so then we realized it was only around 4pm, and since we weren't old people we could wait awhile before dinner. Plus the chicken needed to marinate for a while and we had drinking to do.

So, with the veggies were chopped everything was ready to go. We were just waiting on the chicken and nursing home dinner hours to be over. So what were we to do?

You know, besides drink.

Dinner Preparation Half-time Activity

Corina sent her sons to fetch their dice bags so we could play a game. What'd she call it? Blargh? AngryScreamSound? ShitFuckDammit? I dunno, something.

Whatever they called it it was a lot like this one game you might have seen on Facebook.


When played alone on the internet in your cave of solitude it just makes you want to murder people, but in a group it was pretty fun. You can read the directions on the Wikipedia page I linked to. The only difference between how Corina plays and the directions listed on wiki is that if you get three of a kind - say three threes - but also get more threes on that or later rolls Corina doesn't let you increase your score.

She says it's because that requires more math than she's willing to do9.

Adding is hard.

As we played Corina did her best to make her kids roll until they went bust. Then she laughed and laughed when they did.

Man, I just love her.

Mark was the winner (remember Mark? He came too! He sat on the couch watching Netflix and drinking the one little boozy drink he was allowed [who loves diabetes? Mark does!])
I'm not sure why this is in black and white.
Probably because I wanted to be classy.

Oh hey, I forgot!
While we were having drinks and before notFarkle we enjoyed an appetizer.

I filled the empty corner with a can of chilled olives. They're supposed to go there. It's TRADITION! I'd reference the information in my good-hostess/serving/tablesetting cookbook but I know none of you are classy enough to have one, so I won't bother.

Corina called her oldest son down from his cave of manliness - on his phone. Uh, also via text.

We all knew that, but forgot. By the time he made it down there was one piece of pork and one olive.


I mean "awww10."

Okay, after appetizers and notFarkle we sat around the TV and watched half of O Brother, Where Art Thou.

Which is good, 'cause that phrase had been in my head for days. No, not days, WEEKS!

About the time John Goodman was crushing the horney toaded guts right outta Pete, Corina and I decided it was time to get back into the kitchen like good little womens (though now that I think of it, maybe frog guts just reminded us we had greens to cook.)

The chicken was put on a broiler pan and then into the oven at... some degrees.

While that was cooking we got on with the rest of dinner.

Sesame Ginger Rice and C.H.U.D. Greens
There is no group-of-ingredients pic for this. My bad.

The Rice:

The rice started with some olive oil, lots garlic, and a big squirt of ginger out of the ginger tube.

After a minute or so we added the rice. We used Jasmine rice because that's what I had at home. Plus it smells real purty.

I wasn't sure how much rice to make. I wanted there to be enough to feed everyone and maybe some left over? There were four adults and two children? Ya think... two cups of uncooked rice? That's 3/4 cups of cooked rice each.

I know, Let's do three!

So we dumped in three.
And then I put in just a little more... in case.
In case what? I dunno! There's a depression on! Maybe the neighbors were gonna come over with their begging bowl or something.

Ready for kibble.


The recipe called for chicken stock but we didn't have any and decided water would do us fine.

Once it was boiling we dumped in a cup or so of toasted almond, a fistful of chopped cilantro and basil, and brought it to a low simmer.

We covered it to cook for 20-40 minutes (somewhere in there, I can't remember)  and then we moved on to cooking the greens.

We started with a deep pot over medium heat and then added olive oil, garlic, a onion - halved and sliced thin, and mushrooms. Those got cooked until I decided they hated me too much to brown before the chicken was burned. Then we added shredded carrots.


And then the broccoli.
(No pic - shush, you've seen broccoli before.)

Once those were softened a teeny bit, I added the cabbage. It had been layered in a bowl with salt before leaving the house. This is to help it lose water in the bowl, rather than in the pot.

You rinse it before adding it in, duh.
I think some salt and five spice went in here at this point too. Probably some sesame oil also.

Then it's time to pour yourself another so you leave Mark to manage the pot.
Who's my helper! You are!

While that was happening Corina got the table set. She used a tablecloth, just for me!
She also used real plats to eat off of! Usually she just leaves her kids to eat out of the kibble dish11.

With the table set, the rice done, and the chicken pulled from the oven we were just waiting on the greens.

I stirred them.

And stirred some more.

Then I decided it was fucking dinner time and I was done looking at them. They were probably done, right? I mean, the broccoli was getting a little soft, so the paper thin greens had to be done.

We got everything and everyone to Corina's pretty white and red table.

Well, how'd everything turn out?

Dinner was good.

Her children were kind enough to sit in for "gooney thumbs up" and "courteously detested" since my boys were at their grandparents.
Thanks guys!

To serve, we dumped the rice in a large shallow bowl, garnished with green onion slices, and placed the chicken around it.

The greens went into a pretty blue bowl that was hardly worthy of them, what with the Lovecraftian relations they keep.
Apparently I didn't get a pic of just the greens.
I told you they weren't worthy.

Let's get this out of the way - Kale is disgusting. I don't believe any method of preparation could help me enjoy kale. It's bitter, which I believe is the reason it's been banned from one friend's FCF list. But that wasn't my real problem with it.

See, texturally it's just awful. It's like if some ancient tribe skinned a litters worth of some sort of critter - little mice maybe - and then dried the skins in the sun, painting them with some awful green, bitter extract or something. Then they gave them to your newcomer self as a friendly offering, convincing you that they were some sort of green that you just needed to simmer forever, but that would be nutritious and tasty and you'd just love if you gave it a chance - and oh, hey, don't eat any of the other vegetation around here. Poison, you know.

I like to imagine that this tribe did this knowing you'd be some sort of land stealing, biowar-waging bastards, and  that they laughed and laughed as they watched your starving ass try to choke down.

Because kale is that bad. Kale is revenge on a horrible people not worthy of better vegetables.

Uhh. yes. Anyway. Kale aside I enjoyed the other green food well enough. Corina made everyone, even her vegetable hating grown up son have some. Even though I knew he hated veggies in all fashions (and there was kale in this!) I served him up extra because he's a big growing boy. About the time I handed it to Corina I recalled his veggie detestment. Corina didn't realize I'd given him so much and all throughout dinner she kept telling him to eat more.

Hahahaha - good times.

The rice!
Everyone ate the rice. Corina's youngest son had something like three helpings, so at least I know he liked it.

I thought it was a little bland, and if I did it again I'd definately use chicken stock and/or some salt.

The almonds, not called for in the recipe, were a really good addition.

And the Chicken? The chicken was awesome. How could it not be? Salty soy sauce, a little sweet, CILANTRO!

We ate it all because it was good, but also because Corina has skills that I don't 12 The ability to adequately portion depending on how many mouths will be being fed that night.

See, she has five kids and she hates having leftovers in the fridge.  The fridge is where new and terrifying life forms evolve when you don't consume/dispose of your leftovers in a timely fashion. Corina feels she's caused enough damage in this world (five kids!) without bringing about a whole new plague.

She's gotten very good at  being able to make enough to feed everyone while also making sure there is little enough prepared so she doesnt have store it or toss it.

I, on the other hand, overmade everything.

Leftover rice:

Leftover greens:

We took home half the rice and the greens.

We never got around to eating them. The rice or the greens.

...the greens.

I'm afraid to go home at night. I see it's glowing eyes and those terrifyingly slimy claws. So far it's only in my dreams but I swear I can here it whispering between dimensions and I know it's only a matter of time.

It's coming.

And that's why Corina doesn't do leftovers.

Hmmm, now that I've had time to really recall events, it seems I may have been in error. I've attempted to resolve those errors below. Those that didn't require resolution required elaboration. That's still not lying.

I've noted them numerically.  If I was really smart I would have figured a way to make links on the superscripts but I couldn't figure it out! Uh Duhhhh.
1 - Wrong. It struggled to get warmer than 60-something, and was grey and stupid. Stupid of us to expect any better of July. We were going to grill. Hahahahaha!  Grilling in July. We so crazy.

2 - This is completely true, actually.

3 - Actually I chiselled it into a clay tablet, but it's the same thing.

4 - Of which she's had many. Many many many. I don't know why I even tagged this one. I guess I just want to assure you that I wasn't joking there.

5 - Okay, that's not true. I love Corina even when I'm not plastered mess - one that's puking in her toilet, peeling off her new tanktop to avoid the puke mess on it, then strutting around Corina's house in jeans and a bra like it ain't no thang - This how my first sleep-over at her house went. She still lets me past the front door somehow.

6 - Or you just break it because you're clumsy and can't have nice things. Yeah, that or rage. I can't remember.

7 - She actually didn't say anything there. Or maybe she did. She might have said something like "oh that's right! I forgot all about it, crap! To the grocery store!" but trust me, "uh duhhhh" is close enough.

8 - I know just how they felt. She's so cruel! *tear*

9 - I don't know how she ever became a Neurosurgeon witout liking to do the maths /inside joke/Corina's personal misery.

10 - No, I totally meant the hahas. It was hilarious. I did feel bad though. Just a little.

11 - When not sharing the kibble dish, they usually use paper plates because FIVE KIDS. I fully expected it to be paper plate time, but Corina pulled out all the stops for me, baby!

12 - Lots of them illegal.